In their shoes (Parents of children in the IDF)

In their shoes: Creating empathy for parents of children in the IDF

As a trauma and relationship therapist, I’ve encountered a unique and challenging
dynamic that often arises among parents with children in different life paths. Particularly,
parents of active soldiers frequently struggle to relate to those who don’t share this
experience, leading to frustration on both sides.

For parents of soldiers, their daily reality is tinged with a unique set of fears and
stresses. Their world is one where news updates can bring heart-stopping moments,
and every phone call or doorbell might carry significant news. This constant state of
alertness creates a perspective that is often hard for others to fully understand.

Meanwhile, parents without these experiences may find it difficult to comprehend the
depth of this worry. Their well-meaning attempts to offer advice or draw parallels with
their own parenting challenges can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation and
misunderstanding for military parents. They may feel that their unique anxieties and
experiences are being minimized or not fully relatable nor appreciated.

This divide can be frustrating for military parents who feel that others don’t seem to
grasp their reality—a reality filled with the constant concern for a child’s safety.
Conversely, non-military parents might feel that they want to be supportive and helpful,
but are unsure how to approach military parents and say the right thing.

This situation creates a delicate balance in social interactions and relationships.
Non-military parents, eager to show support, may inadvertently step into sensitive
territory, not fully grasping the emotional weight carried by military parents. They often
find themselves navigating a tightrope between showing empathy and respecting the
unique challenges that come with having a child in active duty.

When parents actively strive to understand the distinct challenges and joys each other
faces, they lay the groundwork for a supportive and empathetic community. This mutual
respect not only enhances their own parenting experience but also contributes to
building a stronger, more compassionate environment for their children. By embracing
patience and empathy in their interactions, parents from diverse experiences can come
together, creating a unified community that welcomes all children, no matter the paths
they have taken.

This approach not only supports parents in their individual journeys but also models for
their children the values of understanding and respect in a diverse world.