Category "Relationship"

In the heart of Israel, amidst the ever-present echoes of conflict, there exists a world that often remains hidden from the global narrative.

It’s a world that I, as a trauma therapist living in Israel, navigate daily.

I have the privilege of being part of these families’ journeys, facilitating support groups that have become essential in navigating the complexities of war.

These groups are more than just therapeutic sessions. They are a place where parents and loved ones of soldiers find solace in shared experiences, creating a support network that becomes their lifeline. In these gatherings, the silent struggles and unvoiced fears find expression, and the unyielding strength of these families is palpable. Laughter and tears are shared freely, and stories of daily struggles and triumphs intertwine, forming a tapestry of the complicated life we are currently living.

One of the most striking stories I’ve encountered is that of Miriam, a mother whose son serves on the front lines. Her narrative resonates with a profound sense of isolation—a feeling echoed by many in the group. She speaks of her relatives abroad who, despite their best intentions, can’t fully grasp the constant tension that is an intrinsic part of her life. “They live in a different world,” she says, her voice laced with a mixture of anger and frustration, “They have zero understanding of our reality.”

In our sessions, we also focus on practical coping strategies,and somatic exercises. These are crucial in managing the stress and anxiety that come with living in a conflict zone. They offer a way to address the physical manifestations of emotional turmoil, providing a much-needed outlet for release and relief.

The personal journeys of these families remind us that the impact of war extends far beyond the battlefield. It seeps into homes and hearts, leaving a lasting imprint. Yet, amidst this landscape of uncertainty and fear, there emerges  stories of incredible strength and unity.

In the midst of this unrelenting conflict, it’s the personal narratives of courage and connection, intertwined with the critical journey of confronting and navigating the trauma, anger, anxiety and overall emotional turmoil, that truly highlight the enduring spirit and resilience of the families on Israel’s homefront.

 

 

 

 

When Survival Overrides Passion

War’s effects on a person’s sexual desire can be complex and unique to each individual, shaped by various physical, psychological, and social elements. The impact of war is not just a series of statistics or clinical observations; it’s a deeply personal, often heart-wrenching experience for those involved. 

“Michael’s return from Tzuk Eitan marked a profound change in his and Sarah’s life. The loss of his leg was more than a physical challenge; it created an emotional distance between them. Sarah deeply missed their spontaneous intimacy, but now there was a hesitation, a barrier that wasn’t there before. Michael grappled with his new reality, struggling not just with adapting to a prosthetic but with relearning how to be with Sarah. Their way of expressing love and desire faced new challenges, as the physical loss evolved into an emotional chasm.”

In therapy, they found a safe space to voice their fears and longings. Sarah spoke of missing their effortless connection, while Michael shared his feelings of inadequacy. Through open communication and guided support, they began to bridge the gap that had formed between them. They learned to navigate these uncharted waters of change and intimacy, slowly finding new ways to connect and rekindle the flame that had dimmed as a result  of the war. This new chapter of their lives became a journey of healing, understanding, and rediscovering each other in the midst of altered circumstances.

Here’s a simpler breakdown of how war might change someone’s sex drive:

• Stress and Trauma: War can cause extreme stress and trauma, impacting mental and emotional health. This stress can lead to a lower libido in some.
• Mental Health: Conditions like PTSD, depression, and anxiety from war can harm mental health. These issues can decrease sexual desire and function.
• Physical Health: Injuries, disabilities, or chronic conditions from war can impact sexual ability and desire.
• Displacement and Life Changes: Being forced to leave home due to war disrupts life and relationships, impacting intimac
• Cultural and Social Shifts: War can change social norms and expectations, influencing relationships and sexual behavior.
• Relationship Strain: War brings challenges like separation and loss, which can strain relationships and reduce intimacy.
• Survival Focus: During war, basic needs like safety and food take priority, often shifting focus away from sex.
• Gender Dynamics: War can alter traditional gender roles, impacting sexuality and relationships.

Everyone reacts differently to war, and while some find comfort in relationships, others face difficulties. The impact of war on sex drive is also shaped by cultural background, personal resilience, and available support. Michael and Sarah’s story is just one example of the many complex ways in which war can reshape the most intimate aspects of our lives.

 

 

 

 

 

The impact of this war upon relationships

As we surpass the three-month mark of the ongoing conflict, the profound impact on personal relationships has become increasingly clear. This challenging period has tested the resilience of bonds between partners and families, leading to both strengthening and straining of connections.

Remarkably, adversity has brought many closer together. Individuals are cherishing their loved ones more, recognizing the fragility of life. There’s a renewed commitment to spend quality time with partners and children. A shift in perspective is also noticeable, with a focus on gratitude over criticism in relationships, fostering a more nurturing environment. Discussing daily war events has become a moment of connection for many couples. Families are seeking solace in their relative safety and finding comfort in volunteering and community contribution, which strengthens their bond.

Conversely, the stress of the situation has highlighted differences, leading to challenges. Varied approaches to the conflict and political ideologies are more pronounced, from ceasefire advocacy to differing views on military strategies. The intense situation is affecting people differently, stirring a range of emotions and impacting aspects like intimacy.

Effective communication and emotional support are essential in these times. It’s vital for partners to recognize and respect these differences rather than attempting to ‘fix’ the feelings of the other. The crux lies not in agreeing on every aspect but in understanding and empathetically responding to each other’s triggers. It’s about providing a supportive presence, not solutions. In times of crisis, the ability to navigate emotional landscapes together can turn challenges into opportunities for deepening relationships.

 

In their shoes: Creating empathy for parents of children in the IDF

As a trauma and relationship therapist, I’ve encountered a unique and challenging
dynamic that often arises among parents with children in different life paths. Particularly,
parents of active soldiers frequently struggle to relate to those who don’t share this
experience, leading to frustration on both sides.

For parents of soldiers, their daily reality is tinged with a unique set of fears and
stresses. Their world is one where news updates can bring heart-stopping moments,
and every phone call or doorbell might carry significant news. This constant state of
alertness creates a perspective that is often hard for others to fully understand.

Meanwhile, parents without these experiences may find it difficult to comprehend the
depth of this worry. Their well-meaning attempts to offer advice or draw parallels with
their own parenting challenges can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation and
misunderstanding for military parents. They may feel that their unique anxieties and
experiences are being minimized or not fully relatable nor appreciated.

This divide can be frustrating for military parents who feel that others don’t seem to
grasp their reality—a reality filled with the constant concern for a child’s safety.
Conversely, non-military parents might feel that they want to be supportive and helpful,
but are unsure how to approach military parents and say the right thing.

This situation creates a delicate balance in social interactions and relationships.
Non-military parents, eager to show support, may inadvertently step into sensitive
territory, not fully grasping the emotional weight carried by military parents. They often
find themselves navigating a tightrope between showing empathy and respecting the
unique challenges that come with having a child in active duty.

When parents actively strive to understand the distinct challenges and joys each other
faces, they lay the groundwork for a supportive and empathetic community. This mutual
respect not only enhances their own parenting experience but also contributes to
building a stronger, more compassionate environment for their children. By embracing
patience and empathy in their interactions, parents from diverse experiences can come
together, creating a unified community that welcomes all children, no matter the paths
they have taken.

This approach not only supports parents in their individual journeys but also models for
their children the values of understanding and respect in a diverse world.

 

The Home Front: Navigating relationships when your child is a soldier

In the homes of parents with children serving as soldiers, a somber quietude has replaced the
once bustling atmosphere, marking a poignant shift in their daily lives.
Many parents grapple with the excruciating challenge of having a child serve as a soldier during
wartime. This situation places immense stress on relationships, often in invisible and deeply
personal ways.

There’s an undeniable pride in knowing your child is serving their country, yet this pride is constantly
shadowed by fear — the fear of the unknown, the fear for their safety. This emotional rollercoaster can
strain even the strongest relationships, as partners struggle with their individual coping
mechanisms.

Communication, or the lack thereof, becomes a central theme. Waiting for calls or messages,
interpreting silences, and managing expectations can create a breeding ground for anxiety. In
relationships, this often leads to misunderstandings and feelings of isolation. Partners may deal with
their emotions differently—one might seek constant reassurance and communication, while the
other might withdraw into silence, ?nding it too painful to articulate their fears.

The stress in?ltrates every aspect of daily life—social gatherings become bittersweet, future planning
feels uncertain, and even joyous occasions are tinged with the absence of the child. This constant
tension can lead to con?icts, as each partner seeks solace or distraction in different ways. While one
might immerse themselves in work or social activities to avoid dwelling on their fears, the other
might become increasingly introspective or anxious, leading to a chasm in the relationship.

In these situations, instead of coming together in their time of need, couples often ?nd themselves
drifting apart, unable to bridge the gap created by their differing coping strategies. The challenge
then is not only dealing with the anxiety of having a child in war but also navigating the complex
dynamics of a relationship under strain.

However, amidst these challenges, there is room for growth and resilience. Open, honest
communication is crucial. It’s essential for partners to express their fears, hopes, and frustrations.

Acknowledging that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and seeking support, either through counseling or
support groups, can be immensely bene?cial.

The journey of having a child who is a soldier in war is arduous and heart-wrenching. Yet, it can also
be a path of profound growth for a relationship. By acknowledging their differences, embracing
vulnerability, and seeking support, couples can learn to navigate these turbulent waters together,
emerging stronger in their shared journey of love, resilience, and hope.

What the new Barbie movie got wrong about relationships and what we can learn from it

The movie “Barbie” has taken the world’s box office by storm generating over 750 million dollars globally (as of this writing). Another record set was the fact that it was the highest grossing opening weekend movie directed by a woman. With a 91% on rotten tomatoes we have to ask ourselves why are people of all genders flocking to this movie? More importantly what is the message of the movie they are portraying and how are we to process this when it comes to its impact on couples relationship dynamics? Read on, we got you covered. 

Warning: spoilers ahead. The film starts off with the character Barbie, played by Margo Robbie, who feels totally indifferent to Ken or any male figure and at the same time starts to experience feelings of death and possibly a deeper meaning of life. She is told to venture into the real world where she discovers from her viewpoint a patriarchy filled world opposite to that of Barbie land. 

The basic implied idea of the film is that if the men ignore the women and the women ignore the men then the world would be a happier place. In the initial part of the film it seems as if women only exist if they are free from men and their existence is based upon their longing for being noticed by women. 

Barbie, while not directed at a specific audience, definitely targets young adult impressionable viewers, extending their influence beyond the realms of childhood entertainment. Surprisingly, this seemingly lighthearted movie has left a significant impact on ideologies of couple dynamics. By analyzing the messages and values (whether agreeable or not) conveyed throughout the film, we can gain insights into how these colorful tales contribute to shaping perceptions of love, relationships, and gender roles. 

These are the main issues that I believe the movie just got flat-out wrong: 

Challenging Gender Stereotypes

One of the most remarkable aspects of the Barbie film is their ability or should we say inability to challenge traditional gender stereotypes. We witness female protagonists taking on diverse roles, ranging from Presidents and Doctors to explorers and scientists. Such portrayals present an empowering message to young girls, inspiring them to break free from conventional gender norms. Which is great! But they chose to showcase this only in Barbie land! As soon as Barbie reaches the real world they depict it as a male dominated patriarchy nightmare. Last we checked Mattel has 5 Women out of 11 currently serving on its board. 

As couples we can engage in discussions about gender equality, encouraging both partners to reevaluate their own beliefs and biases to further connect with each other. 

Empathy and Communication

Barbie revolves around themes of friendship, empathy, and open communication. But surprise, surprise mostly only when it came to friendships with women! Couples can learn valuable lessons by challenging the aforementioned lack of emotional IQ that the Barbies had towards men. When it comes to relationships of all kinds, understanding the importance of emotional intelligence and active listening in a relationship. All couples may be inspired to implement these qualities in their own interactions, fostering a deeper understanding and connection. 

Reimagining Romantic Narratives

While romance remains a central theme in films in general, the narratives often portray love in diverse and unexpected ways. Not so in Barbie: we are presented with the exact opposite! Characters are not falling in love based on shared values, mutual respect, and genuine affection rather than relying solely on external appearances or material possessions. In Barbie women don’t necessarily need anyone at least for Barbie. By watching such narratives, couples can reassess their own notions of romance, focusing on building lasting connections founded on emotional compatibility and personal growth. 

Cultivating Shared Interests

The film did encompass a wide range of genres and storylines, appealing to a broad audience. As couples watch these films together, they may discover shared interests, sparking conversations about hobbies, dreams, and aspirations. This process of finding common ground which was ignored with all of the “Kens” can enrich the bond between partners, fostering a stronger sense of unity and cooperation in their relationship. 

Ultimately Ken should have been respected and Barbie should be respected as well. The importance of balance and equality in couple dynamics can not be understated. No one gender should be made to feel less than. Respect needs to be mutual. 

This isn’t about left, right, down or up conservative, liberal democrat or republican. It’s about relationships. As a professional couples therapist in order for ANY relationship to be successful it is up to all of us irrespective of gender to create safety for ourselves and everyone around us and only then can we truly thrive independently and as a whole. 

As a  marriage and relationship therapist, I love to pick apart a good existential crises. Contact me if you want to explore your own Barbie inspired existential crisis.

These days, where personal growth and self-care are prioritized, embracing sexual wellness has become an integral part of overall well-being. Whether you’re starting a new relationship or embarking on the “second time around,” seeking support from sex therapy can be transformative.

The Unsung Benefits of Sex Therapy

Many of us are unaware of the genuine necessity for sex therapy. For the most part, we don’t talk about sex openly. Consider the following benefits of sex therapy to break out from that cocoon:

 

• Improved Communication: The foundation of any successful relationship is effective communication. Couples benefit from sex therapy by learning crucial communication skills that allow them to express their wishes, concerns, and boundaries in a courteous and helpful manner. Couples can improve their emotional connection and intimacy by encouraging open discussion.

 

• Increased Intimacy:Intimacy transcends the physical environment. Sex therapy allows couples to explore emotional intimacy and strengthen their bond. By addressing underlying emotional blocks and fostering vulnerability, couples can experience a more profound level of closeness and intimacy in their relationship.

 

• Resolving Sexual Concerns: Sex therapyprovides a specialized approach to addressing sexual concerns such as erectile dysfunction, low libido, or difficulties reaching orgasm. Through personalized strategies, techniques, and exercises, individuals and couples can overcome these challenges and regain sexual confidence and satisfaction.

 

• Healing Past Traumas:Past traumatic experiences can significantly impact an individual’s sexual well-being. Sex therapy offers a safe environment for individuals to process and heal from these traumas, allowing them to reclaim their sexuality and build healthy relationships based on trust and intimacy.

 

Seeking Support from Sex Therapy Jerusalem

For those in Jerusalem and surrounding areas, LovingWisely is a leading sex therapy firm that provides professional and compassionate guidance. Our team of experienced sex therapists is dedicated to helping individuals and couples navigate their unique sexual journeys, providing tailored support and evidence-based interventions.

 

Conclusion

Embracing sexual wellness is a courageous and transformative journey. Sex therapy offers the tools and support necessary to navigate this journey with confidence and understanding. Whether you’re starting anew or rekindling the flame in a long-term relationship, seeking guidance from sex therapy professionals, such as those at LovingWisely, can empower you to embrace your sexuality, enhance intimacy, and experience a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual life. Remember, you deserve to love and be loved wisely, and sex therapy can be a valuable resource on this journey.