Bashert: Embracing Destiny

Bashert: Embracing Destiny 

In Jewish tradition, “bashert” refers to one’s destined soulmate, the person meant to be their life partner. While many view bashert as a mystical or predestined connection, it’s equally significant to approach it as a state of mind—one that shapes our attitudes, choices, and experiences in dating.

Bashert isn’t just about finding the right person; it’s about becoming the right person. The passive search for a soulmate transforms into an active engagement with dynamic growth. By intentionally cultivating our character, values, and intentions, we align ourselves more closely with the qualities we seek in a partner. Every experience has the potential to propel us further in our journey to become who we are destined to be—bashert. However, this development requires a deliberate effort to internalize our experiences as part of our growth. Expanding the concept of bashert to encompass a broader perspective on life helps transition from feeling like a victim of life’s inevitable hurdles to feeling energized and empowered to embrace the lessons it offers.

This is especially important in dating, which often feels characterized by a sense of helplessness—condemned to search in vain until our “bashert” stumbles across us. This attitude is both draining and limiting. Accepting bashert as a mindset—that everything that happens to us is part of our larger destiny, infuses this chapter of your life with agency, transforming the most painful encounters into invaluable moments of self-development. 

Reframe your relationship experiences with this understanding. A difficult breakup taught you self-compassion and revealed inner fortitude you didn’t know you had. Hard looks in the mirror and late-night reflections prompted important introspection, leaving you with a clearer self-image. A disappointing first date was neither a failure nor a waste of time, but an opportunity to build empathy and understand another perspective. Each of these experiences become integral to who you are only when you choose to accept them as important parts of your story, ones that shaped you into who you are today – someone who’s potential has been that much more developed. In the present, every interaction can serve as a tool for growth, bringing you closer to the person you have the ability to become should you let it—this is bashert.

Accepting bashert as a state of mind allows this attitude to permeate other aspects of our lives beyond relationships, leading to more holistic personal development. See every experience as an opportunity uniquely destined for you, enriching your journey and making life both more exciting and purposeful.

Bashert is more than a predetermined outcome; it’s an attitude of intentionality, faith, and personal development. By embodying this mindset, we enhance our chances of finding not just any partner, but the one who complements and completes us in the most profound ways, as well as make the journey there that much more meaningful.