March, 2025

Pesach is all about cleaning—getting rid of chametz, scrubbing every corner, and making space for something fresh. But what if we applied that same energy to dating? Just like we search for hidden crumbs, maybe it’s time to clear out emotional clutter and lingering baggage that’s been weighing us down.

Think about your dating life—are you holding onto old stories, past heartbreaks, or limiting beliefs? Maybe you’ve told yourself, I always attract the wrong people, I’ll never find someone who understands me, or I have to settle to make this work. These thoughts are like crumbs stuck in the cracks, small but significant. They shape how we see ourselves and how we approach relationships.

We don’t always realize how much emotional “clutter” we accumulate over time. Maybe you’ve been replaying a failed relationship in your head, wondering what you could have done differently. Or maybe you’ve adopted a more cynical outlook after disappointing experiences, bracing yourself for rejection before giving someone a real chance. Just like Pesach cleaning leads us to check places we normally overlook, this is an opportunity to examine the subconscious fears or insecurities that might be shaping your dating life.

So, this Pesach, let’s do a dating deep clean:

• Identify the chametz. What beliefs, habits, or experiences are you holding onto that no longer serve you? Are you stuck in a cycle of dating people who aren’t right for you? Are you holding onto resentment toward an ex? Sometimes, the biggest thing we need to clean out isn’t external—it’s internal.

• Check for hidden crumbs. Emotional baggage doesn’t always show up in obvious ways. Maybe you find yourself shutting down when someone gets too close, or maybe you overthink every text because of a past rejection. Take some time to notice the subtle patterns that might be affecting your relationships.

• Make space for something new. Cleaning isn’t just about getting rid of the old—it’s about making room for something better. What would it look like to approach dating with fresh energy, open-mindedness, and self-respect? What would happen if you let go of the need to control outcomes and just allowed yourself to enjoy the process?

One of the most powerful parts of Pesach is its theme of liberation. We aren’t just commemorating freedom from physical slavery—we’re reflecting on what it means to be emotionally and spiritually free. The same way Bnei Yisrael had to leave behind everything they knew to step into the unknown, sometimes we have to release old narratives to allow for new possibilities.

So as you’re vacuuming corners and scrubbing counters, take a moment to ask yourself: What do I need to clean out of my dating life to move forward? What thought patterns, habits, or expectations do I need to let go of to create the kind of relationship I truly want? Because just like Pesach reminds us every year, true freedom begins when we let go of what’s been holding us back.

Purim is a celebration of hidden miracles and unexpected heroes. But it’s also a story of messy, imperfect relationships—where love, duty, fear, and courage all blur together. At the heart of it all is Esther: a woman caught between worlds, trying to navigate connections that are anything but simple.

Esther didn’t choose to be queen. She was taken from her home and thrust into a palace where power dynamics overshadowed any sense of genuine connection. Her relationship with Achashverosh wasn’t built on love, trust, or mutual respect. It was complicated, transactional, and left Esther powerless and unseen.

And yet, within that imperfect reality, Esther didn’t lose herself. She didn’t passively accept her situation or ignore the risks around her. Instead, she found a way to reclaim her voice and make choices with intention and purpose. She didn’t stay silent out of fear or convince herself that everything was fine. When Mordechai urged her to speak up, she took time to reflect, gather her courage, and act deliberately.

Courage Amid Complexity

Purim teaches us that relationships don’t have to be perfect to hold purpose and potential. Sometimes we get caught up in thinking that if a relationship isn’t entirely healthy or ideal, it’s not worth our energy. But Esther’s story shows that even when things aren’t perfect, we can still take ownership of our role within them. It doesn’t mean accepting hurt or staying in harmful dynamics—it means choosing how to respond with wisdom and strength.

There’s a difference between tolerating a bad situation and finding a way to navigate it with integrity. Esther knew that Achashverosh’s behavior was problematic, but she didn’t let that reality paralyze her. Instead, she made a plan, took calculated risks, and leaned on her inner strength. She didn’t just react to her circumstances—she rose to meet them.

Owning Our Choices

Not all relationships are meant to last, and not all challenges are worth enduring. But sometimes we hesitate to show up or speak out because we’re waiting for the “right” conditions. Esther teaches us that courage means taking responsibility even when the situation isn’t perfect. It’s about choosing to act with integrity despite feeling uncertain or scared.

This Purim, reflect on the relationships in your life that feel messy or complicated. Instead of writing them off as failures or flaws, ask yourself:

1. How can I reclaim my voice within this dynamic?
2. What choices are mine to make, regardless of how others act?
3. Am I holding back from speaking up because I’m afraid of the outcome?

And if you find yourself stuck or overwhelmed, consider seeking relationship counseling—not because it means admitting defeat, but because it’s a step toward clarity and growth. Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do is ask for help, take ownership of your story, and choose to move forward.

Purim isn’t about accepting imperfection—it’s about celebrating the unexpected ways courage can emerge from chaos. It’s a reminder that even in the most tangled situations, there’s potential for transformation and redemption. Esther’s story isn’t just about surviving a difficult reality—it’s about stepping into a role that seemed impossible and making choices that shaped the future of an entire nation.

This Purim, let’s celebrate the power of resilience, the courage to speak up when it matters, and the wisdom to find purpose even in uncertain times. Just as Esther’s bold choices forever altered the course of history, so too may we summon the strength to transform our own stories, no matter how daunting it may seem. 

We all want to feel heard. Whether it’s a partner, a friend, or a family member, there’s something deeply validating about knowing that someone understands us—not just our words but the emotions and needs behind them.

But what happens when you don’t feel heard? When you leave conversations feeling frustrated, unseen, or misunderstood? It can be one of the most isolating feelings in a relationship.

Here’s the good news: there are ways to help others hear you better, without resorting to blame or frustration.

If you’ve ever felt like:

• The other person interrupts or talks over you.
• They jump to advice instead of listening to what you’re really saying.
• They seem distracted or disengaged.
• They brush off your emotions or tell you to “just relax.”

…you’re not alone. These moments can feel small, but over time, they add up to a bigger issue: disconnection.

Feeling heard starts with how you communicate. Here are some practical tips to make sure your voice is truly being heard in your relationships:

1. Be Clear About What You Need. It’s easy to get frustrated when someone doesn’t “get it,” but often, the problem is that we assume people know what we want. Be upfront. Say, “I don’t need advice right now—I just need to talk this out,” or, “It would really mean a lot if you could just listen for a minute.”

2. Pick the Right Time. If the person you’re talking to is distracted, stressed, or in a hurry, it’s harder for them to listen fully. Say something like, “I need to talk about something important. Is now a good time, or should we find another time?”

3. Speak with Vulnerability. It’s hard to listen when someone’s tone feels accusatory or defensive. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel like I’m not being understood, and it’s hard for me to open up when I feel that way.” Vulnerability invites connection.

4. Notice Who Does Hear You. Sometimes, we spend so much energy trying to get one person to hear us that we forget to appreciate those who already do. If there’s someone in your life who makes you feel seen, lean into that relationship—it’s a gift.
   

What to Do If You Still Don’t Feel Heard

• Pause and Reflect. Is this a one-time issue, or a recurring pattern? If it’s the latter, it might point to a deeper incompatibility in communication styles or emotional priorities.
• Consider Outside Support. If you’re in a relationship and feel like communication is consistently breaking down, talking to a mentor, rabbi, or therapist can help bridge the gap.
• Know When to Walk Away. Feeling heard is a basic emotional need. If someone repeatedly dismisses your feelings or shuts you down, it may be time to reevaluate whether the relationship is serving you.

Reflect on your own relationships. Is there someone in your life who consistently makes you feel heard? Take a moment to appreciate them—maybe even let them know how much that means to you.

And if there’s someone with whom you feel unheard, ask yourself: What’s one small step I can take to change that dynamic? Can I be clearer, more vulnerable, or more patient?

Who do you feel heard by, and what makes them stand out? Let’s talk about it in the comments.