This week’s Torah portion of Chayei Sara, which features the story of the first matchmaking process—that between our forebears Yitzchak and Rivka—is often the jumping-off point for many a Shabbat table discussion about the world of dating and relationships. Yet to frame it solely as a romance misses its depth. Within this seemingly straightforward narrative lies a tapestry of profound insights into relationships, legacy, and the sacred dynamics of building a shared future. The meeting of Yitzchak and Rivka is not merely a tale of boy meets girl. Rather it serves as a blueprint, showing us how to build relationships that honor the past, and embrace the present, all while paving the way for a meaningful future.

Legacy

The parsha begins with Sarah’s death, an event that casts a shadow over the family. Yitzchak, deeply affected by his mother’s passing, carries a quiet grief. Avraham, on the other hand, is forward-looking, ensuring the continuity of Sarah’s legacy by securing a partner for Yitzchak.  

This juxtaposition is striking. Yitzchak’s relationship with Rivka begins not in joy but in the shadow of mourning. Yet it is precisely this grief that shapes the relationship: Rivka is not just a partner for Yitzchak; she becomes the bearer of Sarah’s legacy. When Rivka enters Sarah’s tent, the Torah tells us that the miracles associated with Sarah—her Shabbat candles staying lit, the blessing in her dough, and the cloud of the Shechinah above her tent—return.  

In relationships, we are often drawn to the idea of “starting fresh,” but this story challenges us to think about how the past informs the present. What legacies, experiences, or wounds do we carry into our relationships? How do our partnerships honor our earlier experiences while carving out something uniquely our own?  

Listening

Rivka’s defining moment comes at the well, where she not only offers water to Eliezer but also to his camels. This act of kindness is not incidental; it is the criteria Eliezer sets to identify Yitzchak’s future wife. But to qualify this as simply kindness is missing the point – it is an act of proactive leadership. 

Watering ten camels is no small task. Rivka doesn’t wait to be asked; she anticipates the needs of others and acts decisively. Her generosity is proactive, not reactive— and stems from her attentiveness to the needs of those she dedicates herself to caring for, even when those needs are unspoken.   

In relationships, kindness must transcend politeness. It’s about creating an environment where both partners feel nurtured and seen. Are we anticipating our partner’s needs? Are we willing to go beyond convenience to offer real support? Rivka’s kindness challenges us to step into a space of leadership and active listening within our relationships, where we shape the dynamic rather than passively responding to it.  

Love

When Rivka first sees Yitzchak, she veils herself. This act of modesty reflects an understanding of the sacredness of their encounter. The veil is not a barrier; it is a boundary that acknowledges the gravity of what is about to unfold.  

In relationships, we often think of intimacy as the removal of barriers, but Rivka’s veil suggests that sacred boundaries are equally vital. Vulnerability does not mean laying everything bare all at once—it means creating a space where trust and connection can unfold gradually, with intention.  

What boundaries do we set to protect the sacredness of our relationships? How do we honor the gravity of forming a bond with another person, ensuring it is built on respect and care rather than haste?  

Chayei Sara’s Challenge to Us 

Legacy:  What parts of our past do we bring into our partnerships? Are we honoring the legacy of those who shaped us while allowing space for new growth?  

Listening: Are we truly listening to our partners’ needs both spoken and unspoken? Are we offering kindness that is proactive and transformative, or simply performative?  

Love: Do we honor the sacredness of our relationships by setting boundaries that nurture trust and intimacy?  

This week, as Shabbat candles are lit in the spirit of Sarah’s tent, lets reflect on the ways we can bring light into our relationships—through acts of kindness, meaningful boundaries, and a renewed commitment to building something sacred.  

What step will you take today to bring these lessons to life?