Do You Have to Kill Your Fantasies and Settle to Get Married?
We were all raised on beautiful, fairy tale fantasies. Where the Prince marries the gorgeous girl and they live happily ever after. They ride into the red and orange haloed sunset on a white stallion with a magnificent, towering castle in the background which promises only joy and prosperity. How many couples try and recreate this fairy tale fantasy on their wedding day and in their lives? We all want to live happily ever after. That’s why the fairy tales are reproduced again and again in our theaters. They feed into our fantasy of the way our life should be. Of the way our partner should be; the shining Prince with a sky high bank balance and a six pack to match; the magnificent woman of Barbie proportions with the benevolence of Mother Teresa.
Affair Proof Your Relationship…
An affair, like drugs, overabundance of alcohol, and unhealthy food is a quick fix. It’s a slippery slope for someone who genuinely love’s their partner and wants to keep their marriage alive. Just as the idea of Weight Watchers is to help us stay on the straight and narrow with our diet, marriage education programs can help us learn ways to keep marital love exciting and alive.
I Already Met them over Shabbat, I Know Them
Think you can’t date someone because you already met them at a shabbat dinner and now you know them…think again…
How Do You Create the Dating Wow Factor?
Many people complain that they find their dates boring. No “Wow Factor”…“He/She has nothing interesting to share with me…He/she has no hobbies or interests…He/She talks about their parents and siblings all the time.” My question is,” What are we really waiting for? What makes any of us feel the big WOW?”
We live in a time, where it takes a lot more for us to feel the wow sensation, because we have seen/done it all. Waiting for the “wow factor” to kick in for us on a date, is a bit like waiting for Godot… it isn’t really going to come on it’s own… unless we do something to make it appear.
This may sound trite, but what if we all started to consider how we can be responsible for the wow factor on the date? What if we made it our job to create some sort of wow effect? What would we do? What could we say? How could we look? How would it happen?
How does placing the “Wow” onus on ourselves change things around? When we know how hard it is to create this effect, it makes us feel more sympathetic towards our dates. It also makes us expect less from others, which means we put less pressure on them. Can we actually create more excitement in the person we are with because now they feel the “wow” emanating from us?
For the next date we go on, let us choose one thing to make the person we are with feel “wow,” and see how that changes the date…Email me and let me know how it goes: [email protected].
How to Make your Family Holiday More Enjoyable…
Do you ever notice that your family dynamic is a little more insane over the holidays than at any other time of the year? Sure one tends to see their family members more during holidays than at any other time, but why do so many family fights happen then?
Many people feel like cringing when they link of holidays because they associate them with feelings of stress and anxiety. Who job is it to help with cooking and cleaning? Whose turn it is to take out the garbage. The house is more chaotic than usual…In a family’s attempt to create a beautiful atmosphere for the holidays, often times the organizers get caught up in planning to perfection. This comes at the expense of other things, like enjoying the time and the people around them.
Another reason that family feuds tend to emerge more around the holidays is because family gatherings evoke recollections from the past. Old sibling rivalries that haven’t been quashed, or when wounds from the past emerge tension and friction fill the air. A slight comment gone askew can cause skin to crawl or tensions to flare.
The best way to continue to gather together for family holidays without the tension is to lower your expectations. Instead be ok with a bit of mess. If the food doesn’t turn out perfectly, the kids clothing gets stained or guests turn up a bit late…just breath and let it go…Let your family members create the experience together. Rather than force your traditions and beliefs encourage and inspire… Create a safe space for yourself by telling family members that certain topics are “no go zones” before meeting up. If your family members cross the lines you create, then it is up to you to remind them that they are out of line, firmly and without anger.
I hope all of your holidays go well..Drop me a line…let me know what tip you found helped your holiday be more enjoyable for you…[email protected]
Marriage Therapy as an Insurance Policy
Think getting practical about money is the way to protect your marriage for the long haul? Invest your money in marriage therapy early to keep it healthy!