Why I Am Not a Shadchan?
Most people want others to find them love. It is so much smarter to
figure out what you need before looking for a partner so that you can attract the One.
Find and Keep Your Love this Tu B’AV!
As Jews Tu B’Av is our day of romance, a Jewish Valentine’s Day. The first mention of Tu B’Av is in the Mishna Taanit, where we read the story about women dressed in white dancing in the vineyards and suggesting to men that they consider them as a potential partner.
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/tu-bav/
While we are a long way away from this custom, love and marriage are still very much in vogue…and as love is a fairly basic human need that not many are happy to forgo, it will hopefully to be around forever!
So, if you are looking for love this Tu B’Av, and not sure where to start, consider how you would like your life to look once you already found the love of your life.
Consider some of the following that may be holding you back. The more you are aware of what may be getting in your way, the better able you will be to overcome these barriers.
How to invite love in this Tu B’AV!!!
1) Make room for love: If you haven’t yet found love, it may be the case that you haven’t been making enough time and space for the search. Many people want love, but actually have no room for it.
For those who are in loving relationships, ask yourself whether you are creating enough time and space for your partner. Do either of you feel taken for granted? Are you drowning yourself in work and other hobbies, because your current relationship feels like too much hard work, or you feel bored? Just because you’re in a relationship, this doesn’t mean your job for finding and creating love is over. Just like exercise training, the more you work out, the more effortless it becomes. The more we create an intimate space with our partners, the more it becomes a part of our life.
- Consider changing your schedule.
- Wake up early so you could finish early.
- Insert time to meet people in your diary
- Scout out different events and sign up for them
2) Being open to receiving love:
For some receiving love feels strange. They believe in their heart they want love, but when it comes down to feeling loved, it feels strange or awkward. People who have had challenging relationships with parents, or who have witnessed challenging relationship role models will often feel subconsciously ambivalent about being open to love. The important thing is to acknowledge that this is a possibility. Without being aware that you have a fear of receiving love, clearing a path to love may be a challenge. So awareness is key!
3) Become more capable of offering love:
This is the other side of the coin of having difficulty with receiving. People who struggle to give love often feel that for some reason there isn’t enough love to go around. Either they fear that if they give to someone else they may not receive love in return, or they fear the deep emotional connection that may result if they do offer love. Emotional depth is an unknown they fear. Either way, fear of giving is an important thing to become aware of as well. If you can relate, it’s time to turn this around!
4) Risk taking
Taking risks can feel scary. Going out of your comfort zone to meet someone new, flirting with someone you don’t really know or with someone you do but haven’t flirted with before, and even sharing your feelings with your already committed partner can feel scary. Weigh up the pros and cons of sharing your feelings. Most people find that taking the risk is always worthwhile. Staying in no mans land means things will stay the same…Boring! Or decline…which is worse!
If fear of change or doing anything that feels slightly uncomfortable for the sake of pursuing love is holding you back, the first step is to become aware that this is what’s really happening. The more aware you are of what’s holding you back, the greater the likelihood that you’ll be able to push through and make the change to invite love in.
What is the greatest risk you have taken for love? I’d love to hear about it…shoot me an e-mail: [email protected]
If you would like to work on your vulnerability muscle, sign up to receive a copy now! Click here:
Couple with balloons about to kiss against buildings backdrop. illustration for Top Tips on How to Consciously Create Love
https://admin.smoove.io/
How Do You Create the Dating Wow Factor?
Many people complain that they find their dates boring. No “Wow Factor”…“He/She has nothing interesting to share with me…He/she has no hobbies or interests…He/She talks about their parents and siblings all the time.” My question is,” What are we really waiting for? What makes any of us feel the big WOW?”
We live in a time, where it takes a lot more for us to feel the wow sensation, because we have seen/done it all. Waiting for the “wow factor” to kick in for us on a date, is a bit like waiting for Godot… it isn’t really going to come on it’s own… unless we do something to make it appear.
This may sound trite, but what if we all started to consider how we can be responsible for the wow factor on the date? What if we made it our job to create some sort of wow effect? What would we do? What could we say? How could we look? How would it happen?
How does placing the “Wow” onus on ourselves change things around? When we know how hard it is to create this effect, it makes us feel more sympathetic towards our dates. It also makes us expect less from others, which means we put less pressure on them. Can we actually create more excitement in the person we are with because now they feel the “wow” emanating from us?
For the next date we go on, let us choose one thing to make the person we are with feel “wow,” and see how that changes the date…Email me and let me know how it goes: [email protected].
How to Make your Family Holiday More Enjoyable…
Do you ever notice that your family dynamic is a little more insane over the holidays than at any other time of the year? Sure one tends to see their family members more during holidays than at any other time, but why do so many family fights happen then?
Many people feel like cringing when they link of holidays because they associate them with feelings of stress and anxiety. Who job is it to help with cooking and cleaning? Whose turn it is to take out the garbage. The house is more chaotic than usual…In a family’s attempt to create a beautiful atmosphere for the holidays, often times the organizers get caught up in planning to perfection. This comes at the expense of other things, like enjoying the time and the people around them.
Another reason that family feuds tend to emerge more around the holidays is because family gatherings evoke recollections from the past. Old sibling rivalries that haven’t been quashed, or when wounds from the past emerge tension and friction fill the air. A slight comment gone askew can cause skin to crawl or tensions to flare.
The best way to continue to gather together for family holidays without the tension is to lower your expectations. Instead be ok with a bit of mess. If the food doesn’t turn out perfectly, the kids clothing gets stained or guests turn up a bit late…just breath and let it go…Let your family members create the experience together. Rather than force your traditions and beliefs encourage and inspire… Create a safe space for yourself by telling family members that certain topics are “no go zones” before meeting up. If your family members cross the lines you create, then it is up to you to remind them that they are out of line, firmly and without anger.
I hope all of your holidays go well..Drop me a line…let me know what tip you found helped your holiday be more enjoyable for you…[email protected]
Marriage Therapy as an Insurance Policy
Think getting practical about money is the way to protect your marriage for the long haul? Invest your money in marriage therapy early to keep it healthy!