In their shoes (Parents of children in the IDF)
In their shoes: Creating empathy for parents of children in the IDF
As a trauma and relationship therapist, I’ve encountered a unique and challenging
dynamic that often arises among parents with children in different life paths. Particularly,
parents of active soldiers frequently struggle to relate to those who don’t share this
experience, leading to frustration on both sides.
For parents of soldiers, their daily reality is tinged with a unique set of fears and
stresses. Their world is one where news updates can bring heart-stopping moments,
and every phone call or doorbell might carry significant news. This constant state of
alertness creates a perspective that is often hard for others to fully understand.
Meanwhile, parents without these experiences may find it difficult to comprehend the
depth of this worry. Their well-meaning attempts to offer advice or draw parallels with
their own parenting challenges can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation and
misunderstanding for military parents. They may feel that their unique anxieties and
experiences are being minimized or not fully relatable nor appreciated.
This divide can be frustrating for military parents who feel that others don’t seem to
grasp their reality—a reality filled with the constant concern for a child’s safety.
Conversely, non-military parents might feel that they want to be supportive and helpful,
but are unsure how to approach military parents and say the right thing.
This situation creates a delicate balance in social interactions and relationships.
Non-military parents, eager to show support, may inadvertently step into sensitive
territory, not fully grasping the emotional weight carried by military parents. They often
find themselves navigating a tightrope between showing empathy and respecting the
unique challenges that come with having a child in active duty.
When parents actively strive to understand the distinct challenges and joys each other
faces, they lay the groundwork for a supportive and empathetic community. This mutual
respect not only enhances their own parenting experience but also contributes to
building a stronger, more compassionate environment for their children. By embracing
patience and empathy in their interactions, parents from diverse experiences can come
together, creating a unified community that welcomes all children, no matter the paths
they have taken.
This approach not only supports parents in their individual journeys but also models for
their children the values of understanding and respect in a diverse world.
The Home Front: Navigating relationships when your child is a soldier
The Home Front: Navigating relationships when your child is a soldier
In the homes of parents with children serving as soldiers, a somber quietude has replaced the
once bustling atmosphere, marking a poignant shift in their daily lives.
Many parents grapple with the excruciating challenge of having a child serve as a soldier during
wartime. This situation places immense stress on relationships, often in invisible and deeply
personal ways.
There’s an undeniable pride in knowing your child is serving their country, yet this pride is constantly
shadowed by fear — the fear of the unknown, the fear for their safety. This emotional rollercoaster can
strain even the strongest relationships, as partners struggle with their individual coping
mechanisms.
Communication, or the lack thereof, becomes a central theme. Waiting for calls or messages,
interpreting silences, and managing expectations can create a breeding ground for anxiety. In
relationships, this often leads to misunderstandings and feelings of isolation. Partners may deal with
their emotions differently—one might seek constant reassurance and communication, while the
other might withdraw into silence, ?nding it too painful to articulate their fears.
The stress in?ltrates every aspect of daily life—social gatherings become bittersweet, future planning
feels uncertain, and even joyous occasions are tinged with the absence of the child. This constant
tension can lead to con?icts, as each partner seeks solace or distraction in different ways. While one
might immerse themselves in work or social activities to avoid dwelling on their fears, the other
might become increasingly introspective or anxious, leading to a chasm in the relationship.
In these situations, instead of coming together in their time of need, couples often ?nd themselves
drifting apart, unable to bridge the gap created by their differing coping strategies. The challenge
then is not only dealing with the anxiety of having a child in war but also navigating the complex
dynamics of a relationship under strain.
However, amidst these challenges, there is room for growth and resilience. Open, honest
communication is crucial. It’s essential for partners to express their fears, hopes, and frustrations.
Acknowledging that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and seeking support, either through counseling or
support groups, can be immensely bene?cial.
The journey of having a child who is a soldier in war is arduous and heart-wrenching. Yet, it can also
be a path of profound growth for a relationship. By acknowledging their differences, embracing
vulnerability, and seeking support, couples can learn to navigate these turbulent waters together,
emerging stronger in their shared journey of love, resilience, and hope.