I met a guy online, and we hit it off so well when we whatsapped before our first date,” said Deborah, “We have so much in common. We really clicked. Even when we met in person he seemed so into me.”
We messaged on Whatsapp a few more times after the date.
“Then all of a sudden, poof, he ghosted me.” Deborah said, smacking her hands and shaking her head as if she was in complete disbelief. ” And this is after he ended the date by saying he had such a great time.”
Sadly, this is something I hear often. Stories from people who suffer from Whatsapp-absuse, by misuse or worse.
Of all the forms of Whatsapp-abuse, ghosting (ignoring) is the worst. This is….
There are all sorts of Whatsapp-suse when it comes to dating. Ghosting is the worst kind, but there are many shades and types. People will whatsapp one another too frequently or not frequently enough.
Some even share long rants about how horrible their life is.
On the one hand, Whatsapp also has the potential to be used as a vehicle for building a relationship. On the other, when used badly it turns people off or creates distance. Here are some “dos and don’ts” to developing deep and meaningful relationships.
Whatsapp Dating Dos
Send a few messages in between dates:
By sending a brief message, meme or quick video in between dates you show the person you’re dating you’re thinking about them. You’re letting them know they are on your mind. By using what they shared with you in a previous date you show them you’re paying attention by sending quotes and thoughts that relate to their interests. Share small quips about things that are important to you too.
By sharing something in between it is just a little way of building the connection when you don’t have time for a long phone chat. It’s also a useful alternative for those who aren’t huge conversationalists via the phone.
Share things that show what’s important to you:
By sharing things about who you are, you are being vulnerable and sharing of yourself and letting your date in.
Share things that show you hear them and support what they are into
By sharing things with your date that relate to things they shared about themselves, (a genre they are into, pets, artists, favorite music), you show your date you’re happy to enter their world and want to be a part of it. Most importantly, you show that you can hear them.
Keep Messages Brief:
By sending a brief chatty message you are simply creating a nice connection. Save the heavy stuff for real conversations.
Give compliments:
Everyone wants to feel good. Good feelings create a good connection. It also models how you wish to be treated.
Share nice thoughts of the day:
Share something good that happened to you at work, on the way to the gym, with a friend. This builds a positive connection. It also invites your date into your world.
Share your good deeds:
There is nothing more attractive than doing something good for someone. By sharing the good things you do in a matter of fact way, it sends the message that giving to others is an important value of yours.
Whatsapp Dating Don’ts
Don’t share things that you’re ticked off about:
Obviously once you’re in a relationship you’ll have plenty of things to gripe about. It’s only natural. But don’t share it over Whatsapp, especially if it’s an epic saga, or directed at the one you’re dating. Save life’s little annoyances for the phone.
Never argue over Whatsapp text:
Once again, save the arguments for the phone or face-to-face. By typing out how you feel, you’ll no doubt leave out crucial details, or mean something that really requires your tone to be expressed appropriately. Ideally, if this is a biggy, save it for face-to-face time.
Never send long streams of consciousness:
You may feel passionately about something, but not everyone is on your stream of consciousness. By sending long drawn out thoughts on Whatsapp, you may lose the interest of the reader. Even if it’s something that’s important to them to. Save these for an email, or better yet, a live discussion. It will be far more productive conversation and help you achieve the desired result. And build a better connection.
Never wait hours to respond to an important message once you’ve seen it:
Best to either say, you can’t talk then, or ask when’s a better time to call.
Never ever respond in the moment when you are upset:
If you receive a text that upsets you, never respond in the moment. Put the phone down, take a deep breath, ask if the other person wants to talk once you’re calm. Far too many relationships break up mistakenly because of gut reactions.
Don’t be passive aggressive or sarcastic:
It will be taken out of context or misunderstood. Sarcasm and passive aggressiveness build bad vibes and instill negative feelings. Best to steer clear of these.
Never go through your date’s texts on their phone:
If you feel the need to go through your dates phone because you think they are in touch with an ex or are in contact with other dates and you don’t trust them, drop them. Have a conversation about how you feel if you think it will clarify things first.
Never fish for compliments:
For example, things like “Didn’t I look awesome tonight?” This just isn’t attractive and only makes you look insecure. If you want a compliment, give one.
By following these basic Whatsapp tips you’ll have a much better time at moving things forward and build a connection. Do you think I’ve forgotten something? Drop me a line to let me know how you have either found these tips useful or to add to something I may have forgotten about how to use Whatsapp best.
