Category "Marriage"

With so many cheesecake recipes clogging up my instagram this time of the year, it’s excusable to forget that the holiday is about more than just yummy food. Commemorating the giving of the Torah and our commitment to G-d, Shavuot is truly about commitment . When G-d offered the Torah to the Jewish people, we responded instantly without hesitancy, “Naaseh, v’Nishma.” We will do and we will hear.” In other words, we will do as we are told and find out the details later. That’s commitment!

Sounds a bit nuts as this wasn’t a small matter to agree to. It begs the question, “What made the Jewish people so agreeable? And what can we learn from this in our own relationships?

G-d displayed an unwavering love towards the Jewish people, exacting revenge on their enemies, shepherding them out of Egypt into the desert, providing free food in the form of manna…. Why would the Jewish people think for a moment that the Torah would be anything but good for them? They were courted by G-d and then when he finally asked for a commitment, there was no hesitation. After all, when people are presented time and again with goodness, this builds feelings of trust.  We almost take it for granted that things will go smoothly over time. For some, commitment is as easy as eating cheesecake, for others, it’s a fear greater than climbing Mount Sinai.

What makes us agreeable in relationships?

• When the person we are speaking with smiles at us and expresses interest and validates our feelings
• When we find mutual topics of interest
• When the other person nods and uses positive body language to invite us in

 What makes a person commit to lifelong love?

• Building up positive shared experiences
• Having positive experiences with our close friends and family
• Letting them into the rich inner recesses of our lives
• Being vulnerable

What if you just can’t commit? 

Identify what your blocks are.  Is it fear of getting hurt, fear of not being enough, fear of growing bored, fear you won’t be able to get through life’s challenges, fear of someone better coming along?

Work through the fear and let it go: Once you have identified the fear you should be better equipped to face it head on. This is commonly an area that trips people up as they aren’t entirely sure what the fear is about and then they have a hard time clearing it. Often, one can experience multiple obstructions and feel too overwhelmed to deal with on your own. If you find yourself in this bind, unable to clear the blockage, therapy is the way to go. Together we will work on identifying your obstruction, working on a way to clear it and build your best self so you can be open to a committed relationship.

Why are some people afraid to commit while others find it easy to jump right in ?

Those who can’t commit have one or more of these issues that bar them from pulling the trigger on an otherwise healthy relationship .

Sometimes, they’ve witnessed an unpleasant relationship between parents and they have a fear of recreating this. Other times they may have had a negative relationship with their parents or other family members which manifested in a fear of  recreating this pattern with someone else.

Lastly, it’s possible they feel generally unlovable or incapable of giving and receiving love.

Can’t Commit? Don’t quit! If you are still struggling with the concept of commitment as a whole, feel free to reach out to me. I’d love to help you overcome your fears and find yourself in a committed loving relationship.