Often when couples come for therapy or coaching, they feel desperate about their situation. They fear that their relationship is over… beyond repair. What unfortunately brings couples to therapy is the threat from one of the pair that if they don’t come to therapy with the intention of doing something drastically different, then the relationship is OVER.
This threat can often be read as a plea for help. The person threatening to leave the relationship can be suggesting a few different things:
”I feel that I have been putting a lot of work into this relationship, and I don’t see that you have been putting in as much as I have.”
” I’m bored…I need more stimulation.”
“My feelings have changed…I need to remember what brought us together in the first place.”
Everyone has a role to play in their couple relationship. All relationships struggle to find the right balance at different times. When one person ends up doing the bulk of the emotional work, this can leave them to feel as though they are carrying a heavy load.
In order for a healthy relationship to flourish, the couple needs to understand that every relationship is dynamic. When one part of the couple makes one move it usually results in the other part needing to make a move as well. Positivity breeds positivity and negativity breeds negativity. By focusing on the positive things our partner does and appreciating them for it we are modeling for our partner how to treat us well. This concept works in reverse as well.
By talking through the parameters of the relationship,in the presence of an objective observer couples have the power to turn around an unsuccessful relationship… and make it sensational. While talking through all of the details of a relationship may sound a little unromantic, when put into practice each part of the couple begins to feel clearer about their roles and feels like an equal player. By feeling like they have a role in the relationship people begin to feel empowered. This makes them feel better about themselves and inspires them to see a brighter future. Once the positive feelings begin to flow couples then begin to feel more affectionate towards one another, and the romance then has the opportunity to flourish.
How do you deal with your feelings about your relationship when they are at low tide? Drop me a line: [email protected]
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